What to write about when you have 'baby-brain'

Don't worry, no one needs to read this post because it isn't going to be about anything interesting. I'm just starting to feel like a vegetable... a large, round one, maybe a tomato or a watermelon... no, too squishy for a watermelon... maybe a pumello... you know, those extra large grapefruits that don't taste very flavorful? Yes, I look and feel like a pumello. The thing with vegetables, or fruit, is that they don't have a mind to use and keep occupied. They just exist and that is the state to which I am slowly sinking. Simple existence. No real mental effort involved. I'm "celebrating" being 31 weeks pregnant today. Rather, I'm celebrating the fact that I have about 9 more weeks to go before this baby is born. Maybe only 6 more weeks if he decides to come 3 weeks early as Greta did. But I doubt it for two good reasons, one based on fact and the other on intuition. The fact is that the doctors probably screwed up Greta's due date because I had no idea when my last period was then. This time around, I know within 2 to 3 days when I conceived. The other reason is that I want so badly to give birth soon that of course it won't happen. Things always work out like that for me. Whenever I get my hopes up too much, I never get what I wanted. However, if I remain relatively noncommittal and complacent, then I'm more likely to not be disappointed.

(I have a sense this is a very ungrammatically correct post. But sorry, this is going to be as good as it gets. Save the judgment for later.)

So where was I? Oh yes, having this baby soon. So for the sake of posterity, how IS this pregnancy going? Honestly, it's been hard in the oddest ways. I'm physically fine. I've been ridiculously healthy and uncomplicated health-wise. Thank God for that. I'm not sure why, except that perhaps God knows I can't handle bad health on top of all the other drama that's invaded my life. But at our last midwife visit, the baby was measuring just right. He moves around a lot, especially recently. Tonight, he is trying to escape via my belly button. Greta used to do that, too, and it drives me crazy! My bellybutton is so sensitive. Imagine someone trying to poke it out from the inside! I don't remember Greta being quite so active. Right now, he is sliding his little legs under my ribs. Maybe if he gets his workout now, he will be tired when I'm ready to sleep. Tomorrow we have our next midwife visit, this time at our home in Gallup. Then we probably won't have another visit until I fly back from Florida at the end of the month. I'll be 34 weeks then. So yes, health-wise, this has been a great pregnancy. However, there's been a lot external goings-on that have not contributed to my overall peace and well-being. I have one particularly troublesome sibling who has been making my life hellish since April. God knows I love this sibling, but I've learned that I have some major emotional limitations when I am pregnant, and dealing with a sibling's "issues" is one of those limitations. After not talking to each other all summer (not my doing), I hear from him/her again this past month. The conversation and exchange left me so upset that I literally couldn't sleep for a week. That wreaked havoc on both our family life and my mental stability. So for the next few months, I am isolating myself and doing my best to live in my family cocoon. And it's not like there aren't plenty of battles to fight on the home front!

Greta has been "off" recently. Between some bad nights with an upset stomach and some really whiney days, I've almost forgotten what my formerly sweet, happy girl was like. She's definitely so much of a little girl now, and so much less the baby. If I wasn't pregnant now and full of my own discomforts, I would really be missing the dear, cuddly little person she used to be. I miss those quiet mornings lying in bed with her, watching her nurse, enjoying the still relaxation of a family at rest. At the same time, I appreciate that she can do more things for herself now... because Lord knows I don't have the energy to do it all. It's not that I'm wishing life away... it's going away, passing by on its own without my doing anything about it. And I'm too tired to do much more than nod as it passes. 

But not all moments are like that. Every day, Greta and I sit out in the warm front yard. Rather, I sit in the sun, soak up Vitamin D, and watch Greta climb on Tigg's dog house, scrape up leaves, pick up rocks, or step up and down the front steps. I love those moments. Time pauses for just a bit and allows me to absorb some of the beauty and preciousness that is my life right now. We usually sit there until Greta's Daddy comes walking home at 5pm. To see Greta run to the front gate, shake the gate, and yell, "Daddy" reconciles me to having a toddler rather than an infant.

As badly as I want to have this baby, I become sad thinking that these days with just Greta are numbered. As many of my mom friends have said, I do feel very much that I have the "raising one child" thing down pat. After one year and a half, one does learn a thing or two. However, I'm very nervous about dealing with two kids... and two kids of such differing ages. You know, it probably will not be as bad as I suspect because the "rule" works both ways. Whenever I think something will be really difficult, it turns out inevitably to be much easier than I suspected. Child birth was one such thing. I think the trick will be to lower all expectations and plan only one activity for the day, be it cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. And be willing to give that up if other needs arise.

So that is my life and thoughts these days, in a nutshell. I need a relaxing activity to pass the time for the next two months. Anyone have any brilliant and not expensive suggestions?