What's a mother to do?

For the most part, I'm a happy person. Sure, I have mood swings, but what woman isn't entitled to on occasion? And what are husbands for if not to comfort their wives, pick up the slack here n' there, get yelled for no good reason, and still offer a sturdy shoulder to cry on? But lately... ugh! I hate myself some days. I do the same damn chores over and over and OVER again, take care of the babies, make meals, try to be nice to Josh.... you get the picture. But I'm this awful combination of stressed out and bored off my ass. Stressed, because I always need to do something and am needed, and bored because it's the same thing over and over. I love my kids very much and I enjoy their company between the hours of 9am and 12 noon, and 2pm and about 5pm. But the other times! I vaguely remember what it was like to just have NO ONE making demands on my time and being able to go out and do things without bring my entourage with me. Being human, my vague recollection of the pre-baby days is overly romanticized. In my more realistic moments, I remember hating the drudgery of going to work and being accountable for things I didn't give a shit about. I also remember being very jealous of women who were "living the dream" of being stay at home moms with multiple kids.

So what's my problem? Ah, if only I could answer that. I wish sometimes that I were a different person. Perhaps one of those uber maternal types who like playing with kids all day long. Or one with a little less education. Being educated isn't always a good thing because you learn how to think and once you start thinking too much about your life, you're bound to find things that don't make you happy. Or you are able to analyze your discontent and are stuck with a problem that doesn't have an answer.

The thing is, I suspect there is an answer and that I already know it. I really ought to do something with myself. Like write that god-awful thesis of mine. It's about motherhood and I'm afraid that the current state of my hormones is going to turn it into a very negative look at the subject. I could get a job. But no job really interests me enough to motivate myself to take it and then deal with all the upset routines. Another solution is that I should probably work on my spiritual life. For those of you who don't know, I'm Catholic and I take my faith pretty seriously. I know from experience that part of being a balanced, peaceful person involves giving God priority in my life. I've thought of (and tried) to work on having a more regularized family prayer time. I'm trying to make myself read spiritual books... after all, how are you supposed to love God if you don't really know anything about Him? Sigh... all these things would be very good for me. Yet "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." If I have any quiet time, I end up vegging on the computer, sleeping, working out, or cleaning the house. There just aren't enough baby-free hours in a day. No one ever tells you how much energy it takes to be around your kids all day long.

I hate writing posts that pose problems but no solutions. I'm afraid that this will be one of those. The thought that keeps me going is that nothing lasts forever. The kids will get older, my health will get better, I'll have more energy, the weather will get warmer, summer will be here soon, and I will not always be this tired. But God! Just get me through the immediate future.