What am I doing here??

Ever find yourself asking that? I do, especially when Josh and I go out for any quasi-social event. Whenever we do this, I am very forcibly reminded that I am a mother. Life is really easy until you have children. Don't get me wrong... I wanted children very much and I dearly love said children. However, children are a lot of work! And they definitely put a crimp in one's social life. I think I am still in the "adjusting" part of life right now. I'm still too close to the time when it was all in a day's work to pick up and go out for an evening with friends, or to have friends over for after-dinner drinks. We thought nothing of it. Now... Good lord! It is a veritable circus to simply get out of the house and into the car. Going out with friends involves enough planning and strategizing to fill an instructional manual. And dressing up for and attending the annual Rotary dinner... I remain unconvinced that there is anything attractive or stylish that one can wear to nurse in. And what is the point of listening to a speaker when you have a whining infant in your arms?

Get the jist? Yes, I'm complaining again. It sounds bad to say that I'm sick of my children... because that isn't the problem. I'm sick of being tired and grouchy, of never catching up, of never feeling like I'm doing a good job, of constantly "adjusting." I hate adjusting. I wish this mothering business would simply figure itself out.

Here's the thought that keeps me going on the average day.

"What is my job in life right now?"
"To take care of my children and love my husband."
"Have I taken care of my children today? Are they healthy, fed, and happy?"
"Does my husband know I love him and most importantly, appreciate him?"

If I can answer yes to the last two questions, then I have done my job. I personally may not feel like I did it well, but my own feelings of success or failure are independent of whether or not I've actually done what I'm supposed to do in a given day. Of course, it's nice to have the satisfaction of feeling good about your job, but it doesn't always happen that way. I personally thrive off of affirmation and that warm, fuzzy feeling of  "a good well done." But there are good days and bad days and blah days. These feelings won't last. No child stays 2 months old forever, nor are rashes on a toddler life-threatening. Now if only it could be spring....